Frellin 'addicts

Well, it's been a while now since I wrote here. Been a bit self-obsessed following what I took to be quite good advice from my old Boss 'best thing to do in these situations is minimise the damage' (that an addict can do). What I think he meant was, don't go down the toilet with yer mates. I found it liberating as a recovering Catholic school girl. I'm not Jesus, I'm not a martyr and the more you feel responsible for people, the less they learn how to become responsible for themselves.

Justifying selfishness? I don't know. Maybe when we think about approaches to intervention we need to be willing more to take into account the reference point (the unique addict). Some people need a lot of help and for some people, it absolutely keeps them imprisoned (in a metaphorical sense).

So, concrete updates on the sis. P finally began having visits with her two children again 3 weeks ago. This is interesting because she is only allowed supervised visits at the moment, and these take place every Sunday at our house. The reason it is so interesting is because I don't think anyone could have actually foreseen just how difficult it is for the three of them. Her son who is 11 seems to be adjusting the best; her daughter who is 7 seems to be having the most difficulty and I am not sure how she herself is doing. Imagine storing up all of your feelings and thoughts, not only for the week, that you have in regards to your Mom, but then add to that 2 years of 'off again on again' relationship status, and kerpow! It's like a brooding explosion that always pops at some point during their 3-5 hour visits.

I think divorce is probably one of the most immature, selfish things that there is. This isn't what I always thought, even though I am the child of divorce. Watching her children deal with that is worse than having them deal with her addiction, times ten. But, this is a side point. Also, the collateral consequences of their mother being single also wear on her tenacity. For instance, as many recovering addicts do (even though they are not technically supposed to), my sister P got involved with someone she met at group. He seemed like a nice guy until the day when his *girlfreind' got out of prison and P was kicked to the curb faster than yu can say 'latah!' The whole thing was bizarre; he went from adoring, gentle guy to psycho in 2.2 seconds. People get addicted to people that are bad for them just as they get addicted to substances, unfortunately.

And on the family friend, J, well, there's been a lot of activity with him. My instinct tells me that he is using again, but he is almost as good of a liar as my sister. Last week, he walked out of IOP (not sure what it stands for, some sort of probation program) because he had a 'false positive' urine. Apparently, this means that it looked like he was 'flushing' or drinking so much water that his level of some chemical was high. His walking out when he got this news does not make him look innocent. The fact that he took off on an impromtu business trip the next day missing two important appointments the following week does not do him any favours either. He has a court date May 9 about the custody of his children. He's a mess - I don't know what else to say , or to do.

In the meantime, life must go on.