P was arrested the night before my birthday in June fon ten charges. This time, her list of charges include an assault and car jacking. After three weeks inside, three new charges from another town were added. She was on probation at the time. I also know that she got into trouble on her way back up from Florida in VA. She was arrested there for possession, my Dad borrowed money that he will never be able to pay bac to his brother to get her out. I am increasingly blaming him for sheilding her from the reality of the situation she has created. How is anyone ever supposed to learn from their mistakes if you keep erasing her mistakes (by paying her phone bill, by buying her a car, by paying her insurance, etc.)? I have had this discussion with my Dad at verious times - I told him he needs to stop, but he is now a full fledged co-dependent. He can't stop and he is contributing to her death.
My only hope now is that she has finally gone far enough that the state will take control of the situation and send her away for a while. I hate to say that,but his is what you say after five years of going through everything like this. I woke up - coincidentally - on my birthday and called her (before I knew where she was). I had been doing this for months, to no avail. When I found out I could actualy see her, that's howI decided to spend my birthday - in jail, looking through a glass window at my baby sister, strung out, helpless and the day after she terrified a woman probably my Mom's age in the parking lot of a grocery store. Talk about mixed emotions.
Her court date is Jul 23. She is hoping to go to drug court and even though the penalities are much stronger if you fail on drug court (she knows this but I know is not thinking that far ahead, she just sees an opportunity to avoid prison time). I hope she does go to drug court. I know that drug court is one of the few things our system does that actually has a decent rate of success. The suffering, not only for her, but for everyone in my family has to end soon. And, I fear her next offense might really hurt someone. She has become dangerous to others, my baby sister.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Florida failed
It began again in September 2008. I got a call from my mother that P had been having problems at her sponsors house. For the year that she was there, she was messing around with her sponsor's husband. She made up a story about him molesting her (she is 31 yrs old). Her sponsor found out and asked her to leave. She had no where to go, my parents wanted her to stay with me because I have an extra room. So, when I came back from visiting a friend in Michigan, she moved in with me. It lasted a month until she started having problems, talked to my mom about going to a rehab, and then freaked out the night before she was supposed to go. She left my house in the middle of the night, leaving a note that said she had to go have sex before she went away for a month. Soon after this, she found a place of her own. I really can't remember how this came about. I know when she moved in, it was on a temporary basis. Anyway, when she foudn the place, instantly there were inconsistencies about issues with her deposit, etc. and we soon came to learn that she had written her new landlord a bad check. She started doing really weird things, like showing up at my parents with her new boyfriend and saying she was going to Atlantic City. HELLO!
Anyway, this situation deteriorated in about 5 days time. The crazy calls from the boyfriend that he's worried about P started (each time this happens, one of P's friend's calls someone in my family it seems) and we learned that P had been using or at least escorting for a while. So, her one year clean thing was a sham. Somewhere around Day 5, we hadn't heard from her, couldn't find her, so there we were again, at a different house, in a different town, me, my other sister and the family friend who I have spoekn about here - standing outside her door wondering if P was dead or alive inside.
This time, when J shimmied the door open, P came to the door. She lied for about an hour straight and then I saw a shadow in the closet. It was a very young girl that P had had stay over. I don't know what the situation had been, but it wasn't good.
After that, we didn't know where P was. Soon, we started to get calls. She was going to check herself in to a rehab through the hospital (Kimball, Toms River). She got cold feet when she got there and she called my parents to meet her. She kept texting. My parents went there and couldn't find her. This was an all day drama. Then, P called me and told me she was hiding in the parking lot of the hospital and watching my mother and father and that she wanted to kill herself. She calmed down and eventually got herself to my parents where I was.
P then disappeared for a few days. We got a call from her while we were all on the beach one night fishing with our father. She was writing all these crazy text messages and going on and on about how she wanted to kill her self. This caused my father to panic. We convinced her to go to Monmouth Medical Center. She had a friend drop her off there. We all met her at the hospital. Sat and talked to her for a long time ( you know the usual "you can do this", "your strong" , "we support you"). We left her there. The hospital was suppose to find her a treatment facility.
Once again the hospital called in the middle of the night saying they could no longer keep her (what they were really saying is she has no insurance so she has to get the fuck out). Dad went and picked her up and she stayed with them for the night. The next day she went to work with our mother and waited outside in the car until my mother got off (she can not be trusted to be left alone in any of our houses). Mom then took her to a local rehab.
P did her 30 days in that facility but couldn't wait to get out. She refused to go into a sober living house, says they are not good for her. So her ex-husband agrees to allow her to stay with him and her children.
It's March 2009 now. P is still using. In a last ditch effort, my parents put her on a plane to Florida to stay with our Dad while he is here for the winter. The plan failed and after two and a half weeks, she returned to NJ and began using within days. The whole thing came about when my Mother found that P was stealing checks from her ex-husband who had let P stay with her after she had worn out her welcome at all of our homes (me really, and her sponsor - who she totally screwed [or whose husband she totally screwed to put it bluntly]). I also learned that in addition to stealing checks from her ex, she also stole her son's video games and never bought her two children presents she said she was buying for Christmas. She borrowed money from my parents for this. I don't know why my parents continue to give her money, but they do. They would probably save money by renting a house of their own and devoting a month or two to exclusive P treatment if you think about it.
I resolved after the lies and stealing from her children that I did not want her to think that was okay, no matter what. So, I have not spoken to her.
My parents continue to, but my mother seems to warp the whole ordeal...my father tries too hard.
At last call in, she had been attacked, she was seeing an infectious disease doctor, wouldn't talk to anyone on the phone until my Dad threatened to turn off her cell phone and she just asked my mother for money for food, but she refuses to go grocery shopping with her.
go figure - Intervention - we need you!
Anyway, this situation deteriorated in about 5 days time. The crazy calls from the boyfriend that he's worried about P started (each time this happens, one of P's friend's calls someone in my family it seems) and we learned that P had been using or at least escorting for a while. So, her one year clean thing was a sham. Somewhere around Day 5, we hadn't heard from her, couldn't find her, so there we were again, at a different house, in a different town, me, my other sister and the family friend who I have spoekn about here - standing outside her door wondering if P was dead or alive inside.
This time, when J shimmied the door open, P came to the door. She lied for about an hour straight and then I saw a shadow in the closet. It was a very young girl that P had had stay over. I don't know what the situation had been, but it wasn't good.
After that, we didn't know where P was. Soon, we started to get calls. She was going to check herself in to a rehab through the hospital (Kimball, Toms River). She got cold feet when she got there and she called my parents to meet her. She kept texting. My parents went there and couldn't find her. This was an all day drama. Then, P called me and told me she was hiding in the parking lot of the hospital and watching my mother and father and that she wanted to kill herself. She calmed down and eventually got herself to my parents where I was.
P then disappeared for a few days. We got a call from her while we were all on the beach one night fishing with our father. She was writing all these crazy text messages and going on and on about how she wanted to kill her self. This caused my father to panic. We convinced her to go to Monmouth Medical Center. She had a friend drop her off there. We all met her at the hospital. Sat and talked to her for a long time ( you know the usual "you can do this", "your strong" , "we support you"). We left her there. The hospital was suppose to find her a treatment facility.
Once again the hospital called in the middle of the night saying they could no longer keep her (what they were really saying is she has no insurance so she has to get the fuck out). Dad went and picked her up and she stayed with them for the night. The next day she went to work with our mother and waited outside in the car until my mother got off (she can not be trusted to be left alone in any of our houses). Mom then took her to a local rehab.
P did her 30 days in that facility but couldn't wait to get out. She refused to go into a sober living house, says they are not good for her. So her ex-husband agrees to allow her to stay with him and her children.
It's March 2009 now. P is still using. In a last ditch effort, my parents put her on a plane to Florida to stay with our Dad while he is here for the winter. The plan failed and after two and a half weeks, she returned to NJ and began using within days. The whole thing came about when my Mother found that P was stealing checks from her ex-husband who had let P stay with her after she had worn out her welcome at all of our homes (me really, and her sponsor - who she totally screwed [or whose husband she totally screwed to put it bluntly]). I also learned that in addition to stealing checks from her ex, she also stole her son's video games and never bought her two children presents she said she was buying for Christmas. She borrowed money from my parents for this. I don't know why my parents continue to give her money, but they do. They would probably save money by renting a house of their own and devoting a month or two to exclusive P treatment if you think about it.
I resolved after the lies and stealing from her children that I did not want her to think that was okay, no matter what. So, I have not spoken to her.
My parents continue to, but my mother seems to warp the whole ordeal...my father tries too hard.
At last call in, she had been attacked, she was seeing an infectious disease doctor, wouldn't talk to anyone on the phone until my Dad threatened to turn off her cell phone and she just asked my mother for money for food, but she refuses to go grocery shopping with her.
go figure - Intervention - we need you!
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